MissisTook
gemmag's Cancer Blog
June 3, 2008
| I'm not sure what it is | Views: 183 |
But when someone you care for not only tries to understand your emotions, but hits the tip of the iceberg. The very tip, it’s an interesting quite a calming but frantically liberating feeling. You just lose some of that seclusion you slunk backwards into over time.
My mom has been sitting out in the sun after work. I ask her every time “Do you have sunscreen on?” anyways, after badgering her because I worry as if I were her mother. She goes to me out of the blue. “I was talking to your nurse earlier today.” (I’ve had a bladder infection for the past three weeks and let me tell you, it’s no fun, but it seems to be clearing up.) “I’m glad that you can get on a plane and escape for a little, because I realized you have little control over your life at the moment and the only thing you can really do is choose to climb aboard that plane; you have control over that.”
I started to cry. I am not a control freak or anything of the sort. I am worse. I am a person who pictures an aspect of life; even life as a whole as this piece of work. If something goes wrong or something barges it’s big fat head in I get upset instantly because that’s not how it’s supposed to work!
At times, I feel so helpless. I cannot take my dog for a walk, or even do a load of laundry anymore because I get this feeling of exhaustion wash over me and all I want to do is nap. I want to have a normal lifestyle already, again and forever. I feel like a lazy bum and it is quite tiring all in itself.
Carmen 
Michael Cox 
crystalala 
Thanks for your support -
I had to go back to your last posting to see that you are taking a trip to Alabama -oh joy what fun. It sounds like you are very tired, so I hope you gain your strength to take this wonderful adventure with some of your friends and to meet up with Zak. I guess your Mom put it best. Control is in the hands of only ourselves and that’w what makes it difficult because we aren’t used to thinking that way but for the welfare of others. It’s your time to be self endulgent and take that trip. We all wish you the best of times and can’t wait to hear how it all turned out. Weezie from Canada eh
I was just talking to my brother this morning about being a lazy bum! I was telling him how lucky he was to be at work, because forced “rest” is terrible. I’m not very good at finding the right words, but I understand what you mean. I always thought I was pretty laid back, but when cancer showed up I thought “This is not how things are supposed to go. Can we rewind a little?”
When do you leave for your trip?
I leave on the 23rd = Not soon enough :P