MissisTook
gemmag's Cancer Blog
April 5, 2008
| A letter to God | Views: 220 |
No matter how much I feel I’m falling away from God, there is still a sliver of light. Me being the mini princess of wit, I wrote… no thought him a letter out loud. Where? In the shower, I used all the hot water until it ran cold and just leaned against the inner bath wall.
Dear Lord, wait… before I start. Don’t look at me please! I know you know everything about me, all the curves and rolls and even how many hairs are on my head. But still don’t make it harder, just don’t look.
I know you don’t care what I look like or how many times I’ve come close to turning my back on my faith in you. As I look down I can’t help but give a hopeless chuckle at my belly. I could so pass for a woman in her 3rd month of pregnancy. Or some albino Ethiopian child who is malnutritioned and her belly sticks out a bit too far.
I wanted to thank you for timing my being here right. In the 1990’s there was little to no treatment for these things. I would have been given months to live, and live life because it was ending.
I could have been born earlier, when if a woman’s period was three weeks late her family threw her out and disowned her because she thought she was with child. Only to find out that she died from some weird unheard of cause.
Although I’m scared to near death and I can’t think of the of sitting in one of those pink recliner chairs that Magee has set up for all the women; has my empty stomach rummaging for something to choke up on. You are one of my biggest supporters I have.
I’m sorry I have to keep saying sorry. How can you be so forgiving?
I am blessed to be in my situation because I’m going to be okay when I start my first session Wednesday. I’m going to be okay 6 months after and years after that.
10.07.08 - 
Carmen 
Michael Cox 
crystalala 
Thanks for your support -
You are on the right track. Continue with the THANKS even when you feel like you can’t. Even if you can’t always find the words to pray, just think the thanks in your mind. He will know. I will be praying for you. GOD BLESS YOU…. Hugs, Joyce
Thanks I need that I some times wonder why we do not call on God when things are good. He is always there, but we call on him when things are getting bad.
Sure am glad you wrote it when you got out of shower! LOL
Hugs Gal
you are so beautiful and strong you are one of the angels god send to us to give us strength
you are a sample of strength ,hope and faith
GOD BLESS YOU thank you ,you have a gift of knowing how to express your feelings in a way that touches my soul and gives me so much strength and hope , i will pray for you and i know GOD will carry you on his arms during your times of suffering.
in my hart and in my soul i will be holding your hand
love soledad
What humble and insightful words you have to GOD while you are facing such a difficult time in your life. You are in my prayers. When I first read your profile I wept for you. You are just a few months apart in age from my daughter, Laura. Much too young to be facing such a life challenge. But, then who says what is the accepctable age? I think that there is actually no age whatsoever. I pray perhaps in my daughters’ lifetime there will be a cure for all cancers then we can all have a blog for people just to meet not to have to share cancer stories.
Patty
Thank you for sharing such a powerful feeling!
The love in your spirit/heart/soul will permeate throughout the world while you continue to grow and gain insight.
Life really does suck at times and it is so amazing to see the power that you emit in the positive actions that you display. Keep up the greatness little sister! Stay golden!
One Love!
Okay I am crying too and I am a big mean biker so this is awkward!
Gemma you are wonderful and courageous and funny and I am so blessed by your posts.
I pray for you. Hugs
Mac