gemmag's Cancer Blog

April 1, 2008

So I freaked a little bit Views: 275

Wow I can feel the anger seething from that digital post… hm…

Later that night Zachary called; once again I had fallen and he picked me back up. I was able to sleep from 2-4. Then I got up sobbing uncontrollably. I finally went into my mothers room like a little child who just woke up from a bad dream and said to her “Can I have a hug?” she made me feel better. It was 7 o’clock I had to leave for work but I wasn’t up to it, my eyes ached and I had a thumping headache. She called work for me… /sigh I feel I have to grow up but I’m thankful that she’s here with me being my biggest supporter.

Monday, as in yesterday. I was upset to find when I woke up at 1pm (I’ve been feeling fatigued a lot and sleep more then I should) that there was no news. Finally 4pm rolls along and my mother calls me to tell me the news that I consider good. My oncologist Dr. Sukumvanich is out taking his board tests for the week. So Naturally I panicked and felt abandoned. But apparently he called the office here in Pittsburgh about me which made me feel sooo much better. The biopsy is STILL not done it’s going on 6 full days. :|

So anyways he calls with a treatment. It’s 1 chemo drug (Not 3 this time!) I go in one day every week for three weeks and get a week off. He called to run it by the other doctors for a second opinion. The nurse said something about “Minimal hair loss” so I’m wondering if I should just shave my head all together if it’s going to get thin or I’ll have bald spots >.< I have the chemo name written down I’d like to do some research if I feel I can handle the knowledge.

Today, I’m waiting for the biopsy results to finally be revealed to me. It’s something that I just know. I know it’s cancer. The funny thing is about a month or two back I was crying hysterically at some points and all I could think was “cancer” I was so afraid. And lookie here, that little asshole is back.

Time to embark on another journey. But I do feel confident this will be the last time, at least in my younger years that this thing won’t appear until I’m very old. If I am lucky, which I tend not to be; I’ll escape it all together.

As a side note April 19th there is a cancer fund raiser going on and my sister is in it. Very nice designer tag prom dresses are going to be modeled by young girls and they will be auctioned off at this event. My sister is wearing teal to match her tattoo. Which I’ll have to post a picture of as well if I can get her to cooperate :P.

Posted on April 1, 2008 at 7:50:32 AM by Gemma ( Link to this post.

So I freaked a little bit, Post a comment.

5 comments)

Gemma-

It is ok to freak out. It is ok to be angry. You know that.

Also, it is ok to lean on your mom. I know I do, even still and I’m much older than you.

On the hair, it might just get evenly thin, without bald spots. I wouldn’t shave it yet.

Please post a picture of the sister in the teal dress.

I hope you get good news today!

Posted on April 1, 2008 at 8:49:34 AM by slockwooclimbs

Gemma,
I know it is so hard for you. You are so young to have to deal with this awful thing.
I lost all my hair the first time and was bald. The second time it only thinned out. There were no bald spots. You might want to wait and see how much it thins out before you shave your head. It depends on the cancer drug and how much you are taking of it.
It is normal to be angry and scared. After 14 years I am still a little scared. Lean on your Mom if you feel like it. My late husband was my rock through it all.
I will be praying for you.
Love and hugs, Joyce

Posted on April 1, 2008 at 11:06:21 AM by joyce

Hey, I asked my mom to drive 2500 miles to stay with me during my treatment, and she made me breakfast every day, and I was 31! Freak out all you want…it’s therapeutic.

Still hanging on to hope that good news is coming your way…please let us know as soon as you find out. And I agree with Sam, don’t shave your head just yet!

Posted on April 1, 2008 at 11:08:47 AM by tanya

Gemma,

I made my mom come and live with me. I have a grown daughter 22 years old and a 10 year old. She lived with me for 8 months. Get your strength and aide wherever you can.

Melissa