MissisTook
gemmag's Cancer Blog
April 24, 2007
| Going to be haunted forever by food. | Views: 375 |
:( I’m feeling homesick for some reason. And yet the sad thing is I’m home, all day almost 24/7.
I have never been looking forward and dreading a chemo session until this week. My last one. The bad part is. I cannot look at or even think about certain foods without wanting to hurl. This whole ordeal has really taken a toll on my mind and it’s workings. I got so ill today because I thought of…bleh well anyways I went into the kitchen and my mom has a basket of my meds sitting on top of the microwave and just as I glance at it my stomach lurches in such discomfort. Needless to say the sight of the basket was enough to upset me into losing my breakfast. It’s been like this for a few days now, the slight discomfort in the stomach area. I think it may be because my period finally stopped and it’s about a week late and my body is going into confusion mode. I am bloated as heck and have never craved sweets so often so I know that if I were a normal 19 year old it’d be because it’s that TOM.
Zachary and his family will be moving to Texas maybe. Which is good, I mean he wants to be in the big city again and where he lives is nothing short of flat land with cattle and quaint little farms. The plane ticket to see him will be cheaper because it’s a bigger airport I’ll be landing in. I’m just kinda torn by the idea of him being even farther away. Not that it matters, we are still under the same moon and stars which is a comforting yet heart rending idea. The plans aren’t set, and they aren’t sure if they are going or not but this may mean another month or two extra that I’ll have to put off seeing him which is discouraging. Then I look at it as I’ll have my eyelashes, eyebrows and at least a good amount of fuzz back on my head. I want to feel beautiful for myself, but it’d be nice to look my best for him also.
Last week, chemotherapy went well. I met a lady who is the president of OCC (Ovarian Cancer Collation) here in Pittsburgh there is a walk on September 9th that I’ll be attending. Talking to her was nice, it was a short 3 hour day but she is a survivor and went into remission for 7 years. It came back this year, the thought scares me so much. Right now if I had to. I really really would have to sit and think “Do I want to do this again?” Which is a horrible thought because what else can I do? Just try and live life while it slowly kills me? I’m hoping since it’s a rare cell cancer that I’ll never get it again, ever in my whole life and I’ll never have to face that decision.
Carmen 
Michael Cox 
crystalala 
Thanks for your support -
I am so glad this is your last session Gemma. Glad you are doing that walk as well. i am hoping to do a few walks/runs this year too.
Hang in there. I have not met you but I have seen your Pictures, you have such a sweet natural beauty. I am sure hair or not you are just as striking. I am praying for you sweetie.
Troubleenc
Gemma,
I’m sorry you’re busy getting rid of what you eat. We all live with that fear – what if it comes back. I say we don’t cross that bridge until it comes. It may never come. That other lady may have had other things that played a part in the cancer returning.
When I was your age, I had the same feeling of being homesick that you have, and I was home too. The thing is, this is your home, but your future will be with a home of your own.
There were times when I thought it would never come, but it does. It’s a yearning kind of feeling, right? Just remember one day you’ll be in your own home, and you won’t be homesick anymore.
Hugs!
Karen