MissisTook
gemmag's Cancer Blog
February 24, 2007
| More often then not | Views: 301 |
Have I been experiencing extreme fluctuations in mood lately. It’s happened about twice this week. Last night I went to lay down, it was very late. Almost 5am when I closed my book and I started to cry. But to be honest I didn’t know why, so to justify my sadness I guess I started to think, created a big list of what’s wrong : and this morning what I was thinking and sobbing about it all seems petty to me.
My father is dying from liver disease, he won’t ever see me get married not to mention engaged. It mattered to me last night; when I woke up. I’m indifferent about his death again. He’s getting booted out of the house, I feel bad because he can’t see well and his legs aren’t working much either but those were problems he’s been building for himself for years with his habits. We aren’t sending him away with nothing mind you. He’s getting his pension money which is a great bit since he use to work in the asbestos workers union in which you get paid 1k a week :p. Not that the family saw much of it when he was working…
Others around me, they whine about petty things, and doing irresponsible actions like drinking and doing drugs “to forget” has never infuriated me so much. I can guarantee you I have put up with so much more grief then these people, and they are idiotic and turn to substances. I don’t understand the want or desire. It makes me sick that people are so weak willed and hurt themselves like that. Only because I care for them for some wild reason.
Then I got to thinking… Maybe I’ve adapted to the chaos, and it’s just a way of life for me. Which is somewhat of a sad ordeal, but I’m proud of the way I’ve turned out, and I think my experiences have shaped me to be the best person I can possibly be.
Anyways, chemo drugs. Can they cause depression/sadness? I guess I should go read up on it.
Carmen 
Michael Cox 
crystalala 
Thanks for your support -
not sure if chemo causes depression or sadness, but my gosh… all of the stuff you are dealing with certainly causes it. (cancer, a dieing parent, etc, etc.) if you are depressed, it is not unfounded.
take care.
The absolute worst time to think about things is at night. Promise yourself you’ll have a good cry because it’s healthy, but you won’t allow yourself to think of problems at night. If you must, get out of bed and go to the kitchen. Make something to drink – anything to keep yourself busy. But don’t dwell on problems after dark.
I’m sorry about your dad. My suggestion would be for you to poke your head in his bedroom door and tell him you love him. That’s it. Then you can leave. I won’t explain now why I suggest this, maybe later. It’s for you. Not him.
Hang in there!
Hugs!
Karen
You sounds very positive for what you are going through. I am glad you are writing things down. I would suggest you keep doing what you are doing. Write it down, forget about it, release it and go on with your sleep, day, what ever. Then when you feel like it you can go back to what you wrote and deal with it then. I think of you often Gemma and wish you the best.