gemmag's Cancer Blog

January 4, 2007

What was expected, But I'm alright with it.

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Below you will experience a wheel of my emotions, don’t be retarded and think I’m handling this all wrong, because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t know :).

Small cell ovarian cancer – rare. 1 out of 1000 in my age range.

Woot! I’m a cancer statistic and apparently very special at that… :

I had a horribly emotional day yesterday. It was the 3rd, they day I had been dreading. It drained me to the point where I started to get sick again, just weak like my healing after the surgery was regressing. It was kind of scary not being able to push yourself to sit up, which in turn made me cry more.

I’m sick of shots and all these pills already. My mother is strong for me, I can’t deal with hearing her cry, because when she’s upset I break because if she’s worried I know there is a reason to be worried. She’s pissed, she’s not upset and weepy just angry. With who? God I’m guessing. I found that out to be the reason why she was crying yesterday, not because she’s scared for me but just angry that she can’t take this all away and have to deal with it for herself.

There are many more emotional lumps for me to overcome and I think I’m ready. Needles and the pain don’t phase me, it doesn’t take long to get use to. Blood work and IVs are cake, I just need to get use to the idea of them pumping poison into me.

Chemo, only 15 sessions. 3 days in a row for one week over five months. I’ll lose all my hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows after the first treatment. That’s the worst part in my opinion. I’m not getting radiation, that would be pointless and totally ruin me as a future mother. I’m getting two IVs of “stuff” one that won’t have much effect on me but make my blood cell count dip low, and the other will make nausea and puking something I’ll know well.

I start Jan 16th. I’m getting a port put into my chest early in the morning and hopefully I’ll be numb still when they hook me up to the chemo drugs.

It’s not so bad, I’m joining a group that comes to Megee once a month for young women dealing with cancer. I’ll get a lot of free expensive makeup like Clinique and Mary Kay. They are basically classes that will help me deal with the hair loss and feel not so insecure about going out in public. Who ever thought of a class that will show you how to draw on eyebrows? lol I’ll be thankful that I won’t have to shave my legs or pluck my eyebrows for a good 5 months. Then I’ll be back to normal in May with short hair, and who knows maybe I’ll find a better hair style and the doctor says it could grow in nicer. I’m crossing my fingers for less frizz lol. :D

Posted on January 4, 2007 at 12:05:00 AM by Gemma ( What was expected, But I'm alright with it., 1 comment)

I know I can not take a way your pain, But I can send love and support to you and your family.

Hug all around

Posted on January 31, 2007 at 11:03:49 AM by karlak